


Diary of an Insomniac

by sky_lee



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Cross-Posted on FanFiction.Net, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Kinda, POV Sokka (Avatar), Sokka is sleep deprived, Tokka-ish, Toph is a good friend, she's doing her best
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-16
Updated: 2019-08-16
Packaged: 2020-09-02 06:08:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,011
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20271211
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sky_lee/pseuds/sky_lee
Summary: Sokka has some trouble sleeping, and Toph begrudgingly offers advice.





	Diary of an Insomniac

**Author's Note:**

> This is an old post of mine from FF.net, from like 2009. This is pre-comics/pre-LOK, so please excuse any canon diversions.

_I like to think that I'm a pretty simple guy. I love repetition, patterns, concrete evidence. I eat when I'm hungry, drink when I'm thirsty and chase after the girl I like. This sudden inability to sleep goes against everything I stand for. The less I sleep, the more I feel the need to collapse. Pretty basic stuff, right? It's driving me insane. It's like I'm being poked…figuratively speaking of course._

_Realistically, I know my life is nearly perfect._

_I'm sharing a house with my girlfriend, sister and two best friends. I'm teaching an introduction to the ways of the sword class and my girlfriend loves me to bits. I've talked to a couple of healers around here, and they all have said that something is bothering me deep down. A past conflict I've shrugged off is rearing its ugly head again. I won't be able to sleep until I sort it out and accept it. Spirits, I'm not trying to learn how to bend lightning; I just want to get some rest._

_If I knew the source of this problem, I would boomerang it to death. Or stab it. Or choke it. Or glare at it menacingly._

_~Sokka_

* * *

"Sifu?"

I fell back to Earth with a painful thud. "Hm?"

"Am I doing the side sweep correctly?"

I gave the "go ahead".

I watched as my student sliced the air in front of him forcefully, and then bring his arm up and around his head with an almost perfect angle. I smiled easily and began,

"You're movements are impeccable, but where is your soul? Your warrior spirit is lacking." My pupil's face dropped. "No, no, no. I'm not saying you don't have it in you at all," I amended, "but you just need to unlock it. Put yourself into the move, and you won't have to ask me if it's right. You'll know yourself."

He nodded solemnly and began to side swipe an invisible opponent again. He launched forward, yelling fiercely. I nodded approvingly. "You've got it. I want to see you do that every time you wield a sword. But that's all for today. Dismissed."

We bowed and he patted him on the back as he exited the dojo. I heaved the massive entrance doors shut, and immediately collapsed onto a bench in the foyer. My palms compulsively pressed themselves to my eyes, and I slumped to a position that could only be described as lounging. I was just so burnt out. My mind was no where close to my body; Aang could be asking me about how my day was, and I wouldn't answer until minutes after. My roommates were getting fed up with my distance, but I couldn't close the gap no matter how hard I tried. My mood swings were not helping either. One hour, I would feel overtired and loopy. The next, I would be passed out on a wall. I lived in a state of partial awareness and oblivion. The fog surrounding me continued to drag me farther and farther away from an escape.

_How long had it been?_ My mind slowly lifted itself from the abyss in which it was residing lately to ponder this. Bleak memories of seemingly endless nights passed before me. I finally came to an answer.

"Five and a half months," I groaned helplessly.

I spent my hours awake racking my brain for possible problems that would refrain me from sleep. I cut out all of the caffeinated tea I had been drinking to get me through long days with back to back classes, and I even asked Aang to help meditate. My original conclusion was that my mother's death had been bothering me. I talked to many healers and my family to help me with the grief. I finally cried about her death and felt a giant weight lift off me. The best part was, I found relief for awhile. For about a month, I slept again. Not deeply, but sleep was sleep, right? Wrong. Though I would be getting rest, I was having crazy nightmares. I never remembered them when I woke up, but Suki always said she heard me yelling and thrashing throughout the night. Finally, the nightmares dissipated...because I was wide awake once again. My one chance at rest had evaded me like water through my hands. My never-ending days had resumed once again.

"Seven months counting the time before the break," I finished, despair lingering in my voice. Every thought took ages to form- without my brain operating at its usual speed, I felt helpless. My reputation as the "idea guy" faded into a distant memory.

I removed my hands from my eyes and squinted into the significantly brighter sunlight. The world slipped in and out of focus, as if I were wearing bifocals. I shut my eyes once again, hoping my more or less perfect vision would be restored the next time I opened them. My vision had been one of the many things that drove me crazy. I was falling apart at the seams. My appetite had been lost, and training killed my weakened body. I had a horrible time focusing and I had terrible headaches. I was thankful enough to not see many hallucinations. I'd heard stories of people seeing mirages and hearing inanimate objects talk. The only things I imagined were minor: a cup on the table would be on the ground when I turned around, or my sword would go from sheathed to unsheathed. They were annoying setbacks, sure, but at least Yue or my mother wasn't visiting me. I don't need to have that happen again.

The door swung open and Toph entered with a scroll in hand. She spun to face me and pursed her lips impatiently.

"There you are!" she exclaimed. "Do you see this? Of course you can, you're not blind. It's a notice from town hall. The council is going to kick us out of our house by tonight because our bills and taxes weren't paid! Every one of us gave you our money and reminded you numerous times to pay it! But nooooooooooooo, apparently you're too damn special to pay!"

I looked up at her irate face with agony. She didn't see it, of course, but she knew I was practically begging for sympathy. Having none of it, she threw the scroll into my lap and stared at my face with unwavering eyes. She always knew how to make me feel guilty.

"Toph," I began quietly, "I'm sorry. I've just been bugging out lately. The lack of sleep is starting to catch up to me-big time. I have the money…probably on my desk in my office somewhere…"

She took that as her cue and stormed down the hall purposefully. She disappeared for a minute or so and reappeared with several envelopes. "Which is it?" she asked tonelessly.

I pointed to the one on her left, only to have her tap her foot in annoyance when I didn't answer. _Shit, she's blind, you idiot!_ In an effort to regain some ground, I wordlessly removed the other envelopes from her hands, leaving a stark white one with "DON'T FORGET ME" scribbled on it. _Really helpful annotation_, I thought to myself. She pushed me back and faced the door.

"Get us kicked onto the streets, why don't ya?" She growled so quietly I could barely make out her words. She continued louder, intending for me to hear it this time. "Do you have any idea what would happen if the word got around I was camping again? I would be shipped right back to Gaoling and locked up in that prison of an estate."

She pondered that thought for a moment.

"That's it! You're no longer on money duty. No one is going to pardon us just because we saved the world, like, 4 years ago. I mean, seriously, where is your head at? It's just living on top of your neck, not doing anything useful, not paying rent. Wow, come to think of it, that sounds really similar to this guy I know. Oh! I remember now! I live with him. Can I take over as your body's landlord and personally evict your brain? It's not like you're going to do it yourself."

I had been friends with Toph for years- best friends, actually- but never had I heard her direct this much venom at me. I dropped my head shamefully, hating being on the receiving end of her bitter words. She started toward the door once again, but I grabbed her arm, pulling her onto the space on the bench next to me.

"What?! Let go of me, Sokka! Now. I won't hesitate to bury you right here, I don't CARE how long you spent picking out these floors." She thrashed about, trying to release herself from my grip.

I put my hands up in surrender. "I just need to talk to you about something." Her fighting ceased, and she sat down. "What?" Though it was rather short, I could hear her anger melting slowly. She rested her chin in her arm to play up her agitated display.

"What do you think is bothering me so much that I can't sleep? I mean, I'm Sokka, Snoozles, and He Who Can Sleep through an Earthquake. What could be such a pressing issue that I can't sleep?"

Her face didn't change a bit. "Isn't that something you could...hmmm...I don't know, solve with one of your 'therapy sessions'? We probably still have the beard. Or we could go get you a koala-sheep to scream into."

I normally loved it when she brought back memories from our globe-trotting adventures. Now, however, she just seemed to be beating around the bush."That's the problem! I already have! I figured you might have a few words of advice since, you know, you're my best friend and all."

Finally, her face softened; the acid slipped away from her voice. "I'll tell you something, Snoozles, but you have to keep your big mouth shut. Got it?"

I nodded my head forcefully then added, "Of course!"

She inhaled deeply and began. "At one point during the war, I couldn't sleep either. I would wait until you guys were all asleep, then would go wander around somewhere. I always made it a point to camp at a place where I could explore."

"Really? But we'd always have to wake you up and you'd practically be dead."

"Probably because I had just fallen asleep. I always managed to get sleep of some sort."

"But you never seemed tired?"

"I guess I'm more of a man than you are," she shrugged, pretending to examine her nails. I stared at her, invisibly begging her to continue her story. "Sometimes the problems are right in front of you, Sokka. You have to account for everything. And I don't mean, 'Well, that seems silly. I'll ignore that.' No. You have make sure anything that could possibly be bothering you is in check."

I thought this over for a minute. I finally asked, "What was keeping you awake?"

She looked at me balefully. I turned my head away from her quickly. Of course I knew why. All the same, I had to ask to be sure.

"Me?" I questioned apprehensively.

"When I accepted that you would never like me the way I like you, I slept like a baby. It was painful, but life changing realizations suck. My best advice is to just let it all float away." With that, she rose and turned toward the exit. "I'll see you later. Are you going to be home for dinner?"

"I guess," I replied noncommittally.

She nodded and bounded out of sight. I had to give her a lot of credit; she was still willing to help me and be my friend after all I'd put her through. I banged my head on the wall behind me. Something told me that, no matter how much Toph had opened my eyes, I wasn't going to sleep tonight either.


End file.
